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Broken heart

"One day your heart will thank you, for letting go of that person that kept break it" M-Sosa

How true this statement is, that person for me was me. My heart, mind & body now thanks me for letting go of the person I was, the person that was slowly destroying me, destroying my soul, I became a version of myself even I couldn’t recognize. I resigned from my job because I wanted to find a solution for my pain but the only solution I found was in a bottle. At that time I made every excuse under the sun to justify what I was doing. Not just to those close to me but most of all myself.

One drink and I can get through this day, one drink and I won’t feel the pain, one drink is ok, but that one drink turned into several through out the day. The stress and anxiety that surrounded my heart when I couldn’t have that one drink was too much to bear. Any holiday we went on I made sure there was a liquor shop nearby. If there wasn’t I began to get stressed and anxious, my thoughts begin to go crazy. The phrase “i can’t get through this day, this moment without wine” keeps circling round and round, the noise so profound in my head. My ulterior motive is to get to a liquor shop, so due to my consistent nagging my husband will drive around till we find a liquor shop and the calmness that washes over me when we do find one that’s open is like no other. As I now know that I can now get through this day and get through this holiday. Little did I know, every time I went searching for that calmness, that fix, I was breaking my heart one piece at a time. In the process I was also breaking my husbands.

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