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Finding your confidence

What is confidence?

Confidence is not something we are born with; it is something that we create. We look at the person beside us and think they exude confidence, but they will have doubts just like us within them.

Confidence is all about believing in yourself and who you are. Believing in what you want to achieve and reach for it. This is not easy when you have doubts clouding your mind. However, we all have confidence within us, and it's a matter of nurturing this and finding ways to make it grow so we can tap into it when negative thoughts begin to manifest.

"Creating confidence is not about knowing it all; it's about trusting that no matter what happens in a particular situation, you will be able to handle it and learn from the outcome" Tony Robbins.

Me, Myself & I

I have struggled with confidence all my life. It's something that became a part of me. On the outside, I was super confident, always ready to take on the next challenge, always the one with the loudest laugh and happy disposition. These two sides of me were in constant battle. I was constantly comparing myself to those around me; everyone was always prettier, skinnier, happier. Have you ever been in these situations? I think we all go through this at some point or another in our lives. There might be days where we are super confident and ready to climb that mountain, then there are days we feel we are just not good enough and there is no point.

After years of judging myself and being my worst critique, I realised that it is ok to have these moments. We are human; after all, the most important thing is not to stay in this emotion and find a way to overcome these moments. To realise when you are not feeling confident about a specific situation, accept it and find out the story you are telling yourself at this point.

My story just recently was, "I can't possibly do a TED talk, and I am not experienced enough; everything is still very new". However, arent things always going to be new when you do it for the first time? I know this sounds like a simple realisation but trust me, it's not. As it is not just realising it but actually making it active in my mind. Doing a TED talk is daunting for me and the only thing stopping me from experiencing it is my own insecurities and beliefs in myself. To overcome this, I thought of everything I have achieved so far and how far I have come, the challenges I have faced and realised this is not anything different. This is an opportunity for me to try something out of my comfort zone, and I see it as an opportunity rather than a fear because I know if I don't give it a chance, I will always regret it. As the saying goes, "better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all".

Change your story

Change your story to figure out the "why", why you are unable to do something or why you are afraid to do it. Be aware of the negative thoughts that appear in your mind trying to protect you from making a "mistake". Thoughts that are like seeds, and if you don't tend to them, they will overgrow into something unmanageable. Therefore evaluate the story you are telling yourself;

1. What are you feeling about this story you are telling yourself?

2. What do you see in this story

3. What do you hear? What are your thoughts?

When you have clarity on this you need to change your state, by this I mean to change the way you are feeling focus on where you want to go, what you want to achieve, what does this image look like, what do you feel in this new story and the positive thought that appears in this story? Then replace the negative story with this new positive story. Once you do this, think about the one step that you can take to achieve this positive story in your mind? One step to create a beautiful garden to grow your seed. It only takes one step then everything else will follow.

We live in a crazy world filled with pressures to be a certain way, act a certain way, think a certain way; it is not easy to be confident in who you are and what you stand for, it's not easy to change our state, our mood especially during the current times of Covid-19 where the whole world is filled with anxiety. Therefore all you can do is focus on yourself and what you want in your life regardless of what is going on in your external environment. Create your desired reality!

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