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Fear rears its ugly head

Who would have thought Running was going to be something I love, I sure didn’t. I haven’t ran since I was in my 20s! It so nice to have my mind free and just run, not worry about being in pain, not worry about anything. Enjoying the beautiful sunshine & enjoying being me.

I used to run before too, but not in the literal sense. Before I was running away from my past, present and my unknown future. I was running away from the fear of being me, fear of not being perfect, fear of not being enough now or ever, this fear stopped me. This fear consumed me.

I feel like I have been running away from fear for a long time. I guess we all experience fear at some point in our lives, and it comes back time to time doesn’t matter how settled we are as a person or how settled we are in our life. When it does come back we may choose to do one of two things we brush it under the carpet or we fight it head on.

After months of being on a steady somewhat calm path my fears came raging back last weekend. My first mums night out, my first big night with alcohol involved. Too many drinks were had, I got spun around like a rag doll during a moment of craziness and my senses went in all directions and the dam broke, I burst into tears! I had no idea where it came from, clearly a combination of many things but the first thing I felt in this moment was embarrassment. Showing so much emotion when I was meant to be tough and put together!!

On the days that followed there were so many thoughts swirling around in my head, the fear of judgement, fear of not having it all together, and if I didn't have it all together how can i help some one else? these were a few out of many fears that began to rear its ugly head.

So as soon as I was able to get a handle on my physical pain, I decided to take myself for a run…literally and face my fears head on, listen to my fears, listen to all the noise in my head, so instead of heading for the bottle like I would have this time last year I ran instead and listened to my fears and then let them go.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but who he conquers that fear" Nelson Mendela

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