This post is long over due, I had so many thoughts swirling around in my head and I just couldn't get the words I wanted to say out and put it into writing, its difficult to articulate my emotions on this topic.
This is my last story focusing on my two years of darkness and I couldn't go onto the next chapter in my blog without writing this post.
In my previous post I mentioned that it was a bad experience with a neurologist that pushed me to make changes in my life however the changes wouldn't have happened if it wasn’t for my husband. I may have gone through a tough two years, but my husband also traveled it with me, for those that know my husband Danny, would know that he hides behind his laughter and warped sense of humour. He never once showed the hurt or stress that he was going through, he just rode that roller coaster with me, holding my hand through all the ups and especially the downs. He saw the cracks, he knew I was going down that rabbit hole. He made a few comments along the way about my drinking habits which just ended up in massive arguments, as I was in denial, so he let it go, he didn't push.
He was the only one who saw me in my darkest times, the one that picked me up off the floor when I was in too much pain to stand up. The one who held my hand and cried with me when I was ready to end it all. I was not the only one suffering in silence he was also suffering in silence, but he did anything he could to help me. There was a time half through 2018 where he was the mother and father to the boys, he was also my carer, and all this whilst juggling work pressures. He used to wake up at 4am in the morning go to work, then come back take the boys to school, leave work early, pick the boys up and drop them where ever they needed to go after school and go back to work. He will then come home and sort out dinner, all because I was either hangover, in pain or too busy drinking. Maybe this was the reason it took me so long to write this post because it shows a side of me that I didn't want any one to see. But here it is, all in the open because I have to write this final post to have full closure of the last two years and finally move on.
One of his mates made a comment to him when my posts initially came out stating "you are machine" and you know what? he truly is, I don't know who would have put up with everything that he did. Never once did he make me feel inferior for my actions, never once did he nag me or blame me for spending money that we didn't have on alcohol. He kept strong & held on to the faith in me, even when I had given up on myself he never once gave up on me.
Because of his love, support & strength, I was a able to make the changes for the better. He is my rock & I will be forever grateful for his love.