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Suffering in silence

So many of us suffer in silence, what ever the circumstances maybe, and many of us brush it under the carpet and just move on. It’s easier to do this then face your fears, it’s easier to do this then show those around you that you actually can’t cope and you need help.

I tried to be strong for too many years, I thought I could do it all on my own. After the initial spell in hospital I stopped talking about my illness,

1. Because it was hard to explain an illness even I didn’t understand

2. People find it difficult to believe things they can’t see and I became so good at masking my pain and just smiling through it all

3. I wanted to show those around me I was strong, the warrior who could get through anything.

I was however more like a duck gliding on water. On the surface you see calmness but below the surface I was paddling so hard, that eventually I just got tired of paddling and it all just came crashing down.

I was brought up by an exceptionally strong woman who can weather the storm under any circumstance but she was also that duck, on the outside she was calm and dealing with whatever life threw at her but beneath the surface she was paddling like crazy to keep afloat.

I took the learning from my upbringing to another level and I built a fortress around me so no one can get inside. I thought to show vulnerability was a weakness. I always needed to be strong and be in control of any situation that may arise. I thought asking for help is being in front of a firing squad ready to be judged and looked down upon. So I never did, I just kept all my issues and demons to myself and suffered in silence.

But I know now especially through this experience and writing about it, it’s OK to show vulnerability it’s OK to share your sufferings with those that love you and its ok to take strength in their love and support. It’s OK to ask for help.

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